peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
