didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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