i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize