I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
tell me about the eggs
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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