is your mom at the bar?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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