Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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