I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's the barista slut.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
