I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
