Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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