Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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