Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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