you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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