The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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