i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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