Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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