remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
