She is in my trunk
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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