Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
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Do I have a choice?
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Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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