im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
