K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
