I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
