Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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