Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
