If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
