shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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