He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
