im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
