apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
