Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
