The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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