you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Acid is not a monday night drug
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
