I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
