Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
