i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Randomize