just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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