Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
