Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
