Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
