She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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