capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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