Can i not drive my cunt home
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
