There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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