i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
