meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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