pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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