I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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