Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
