the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
