respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
