My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
