Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
