You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize