she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
