FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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