yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
