He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
