The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
