Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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