having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
