hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
