Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
