cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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