Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
