Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
