My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
