At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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