Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
