it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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