I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Randomize
