Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
