Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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